STILL ILL.

I got that bitch by the hair [I actually like this girl, which makes matters worse] & wrapped it around my arm,

&, I kid you not

threw her down a flight of stairs by it.

What’s worse, is I meant it too.

Must. Control. Impulses.

I’m like Gary freakin Busey in this bitch, takin my crazy into another dimension n shit.

It’s not like I bottle my emotions. I’m just a loose fucking cannon.

So damn animalistic.

Fists flying, breaking your shit, punching the walls in your house.

I’m sorry but I think I tore Cardiel into pieces…

Screaming, aching, begging.

All for what? For shit that’s my fault?

Maybe anything remotely suspiscious just reminds me of myself. Maybe that’s what I can’t take. Too hard to swallow. Little girl, big monster. I can only imagine how you feel.

The last few nights I had been putting myself under a microscope. Funny, all I wanted to do was sleep but just thinking about what I’ve done kept me awake all those hours. I remember seeing the sun come up from across the way & feeling fucked. Just so overwhelmed. I can’t fucking believe myself, I don’t want to. I never want to make you feel anything less than you should. I want to take every tainted thought & make it disappear. It’s going to take more than a magic wand and a top hat, but I’m willing to learn how to do anything for you.

I don’t know if I’ve ever meant anything more in my life than what I’ve promised to you.

I WILL NEVER LET ANOTHER BODY IN BETWEEN US. I will never let myself be so stupid again. 

I’m just so thankful you worked so hard into putting some sense in me. I STILL can’t believe that you didn’t give up on me. But I’m going to make sure you never regret this decision. From now on, or ever.

There’s nothing better than having to make decisions, big choices
knowing in the end,
you’ve made the right one.

I realized what had happened was a test.
I failed miserably but I’m going to make things better than they ever will be.

You & I are babies doin big things.
Cnn you imagine life five years from now?

It only gets better from here.